Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
