Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
