Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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