Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
