At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
