she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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