shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize