So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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