Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
