Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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