my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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