Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just found puke in my bra..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
