so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
