I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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