Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
