Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
