Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
