she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
