Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
