Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
