sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
