Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
