About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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