I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
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We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
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The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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