Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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