Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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