This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
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We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Randomize