I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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