This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
