pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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