fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
