I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
