She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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