The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
