Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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