I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I checked into jail on foursquare
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
