you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
