Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
