i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
