every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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