i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
