I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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