So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
