Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
