Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
