I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
