the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
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So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
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Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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