so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
