I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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