Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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