I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
