If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
