I bet he comes in French.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
