You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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