we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
