I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
