I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
