Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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