it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
