I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
