I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
