he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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