operation harelip BJ is a go
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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