Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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