Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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