Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
