k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Threesome in a minivan. New low
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
