I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
