What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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