Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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