Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
