This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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