I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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