Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My liver just had a heart attack.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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