Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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