Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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