I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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