I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
