My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
