Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
