yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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